Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Your Way or the Highway..

I don't know when this happened and no doubt it has been happening slowly over many years but everything in my world is done the way someone else wants it.

-I load the dishwasher the way the hub wants it loaded … cause otherwise he re-loads it  (yes he does)… "You can fit more … it's more efficient." It doesn't matter that the time to re-load was a colossal waste … "Nuh uh!" 
-I fold his undershirts a certain way … cause otherwise they don't get put away ... "I can fit more in the drawer that way … it's more efficient” Hmmm, theme??? Fit, efficiency??? What are these words and WHY does he always say them to me? A form of marital torture I think ... this should be studied …

-I only have the radio stations that my bio-teen listens to in the car programmed … cause otherwise she bitches and pulls out old woman cards … see "I Am Not Smarter Than an 11th Grader"… brat!
-My entire life schedule revolves around her breathing pattern … that change without notice … and then I am a total loser when I don't know about the changes telepathically … "Maaaaaammmm rehearsal just got cancelled and I need a rideaaaa … Yes now, duh, Godddda!” What a total moron I am!!! Who knew??? I know she doesn't always intend to sound so nasty … but intentions and actions … well, they don't always jibe.

-I try not to open my mouth during adorable pre-teen's soccer games … 'cause otherwise he gets embarrassed.
-I never ever go on the middle school campus; no matter what he needs … cause otherwise he gets embarrassed …Crap, another theme? Perhaps I am a total moron. He is cute and not so demanding YET, so he gets away with it … HA, who am I kidding? … they all get away with it … yea, for sure, moron!

-I only plan outings and trips that they want, even for Mother's Day or my birthday … 'cause otherwise I will be miserable I will come home bald. Yes, totally selfish on my part, but I really don't have enough hair left to risk it.
-I make different meals for different family members … 'cause otherwise it means I love someone more.

Blah blah blah … on and on and on!

As for household chores … if I can get them to do any, I mostly let them do it their way 'cause really doing anything is better than the usual nothing. But I so much as ask them to tuck the sheet in when making their bed and … holy crap! … I hear:

"OMG Maaaammmm … I think I KNOW how to make a bedaaa....Godddd... you are such a TOTAL  CONTROL freak!"  Yes, I sorry Honey, go ahead, do it your way.   Gun please.

I guess I am the total moron, control freak that can't see patterns until they are tatooed on my arm, but to be fair, I and I alone created these monsters!!!  Oh well, that is why God created wine....

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