Thursday, September 30, 2010

Blow Out

SO.... Just as things felt like they might be on an upswing, the Hub blew out his other knee. We know this for certain because it is the OTHER knee. Yes, he blew out the left one playing soccer a year and a half ago....But he scored two goals last time. (Our insurance is so suckie that each of those goals cost us $2500.) Since he absolutely knows what it is at least we don't have to wonder and worry. That is the upside. whoo hoo

However, he is barely mobile, super slow and tentative until we surgerize him AGAIN. If he isn't careful, the knee goes completely out and he goes completely DOWN. This happened the other night and scared the crap out of the kids....

Now, I am a very loving nurturing woman. (AM TOO) I don't blame him or get upset about these things. They happen and I will take care of him. As you know I am a hell of a nurse. I feel really badly for him......BUT....

There are some complications. LIKE:

Hub was in his office upstairs. Adorable up in his room and I was in the kitchen. You know cleaning or cooking or some other saintly task (hee hee) and I hear a buzzing. No big deal a fly got in. Soooo. It flies by me. It is NOT a fly it is a bee. I HATE BEES and I am kinda totally petrified of them..a little. So like any normal person, I scream something like "Oh my God get out of my house!" and I think I threw something that made a sorta loud crashing noise.

Oops... all hell kinda broke loose.

Adorable comes racing down and says "What what MOM is Dad ok?"
HUH???? Dad??? Really? NO it is ME!!! "There is a bee in the house and it needs to go."
I swear I get an eye roll, he storms out of the kitchen (mumbling something..) and he leaves me alone with the beast.

A few minutes (full minutes) the Hub comes stumbling out of his office. "What what are you ok?"
At least he asked about ME. "No there is a bee in the kitchen"
He hobbles down the stairs and into the kitchen.

WHAT???? This is serious. Don't judge me.

He looks for a cup...remember we have a strict 'no kill' policy here.
It took a while but he saved us both. The bee went free and I am alive.

I could have died in the time it took him to come rescue me.
And I guess the Hub could have gotten hurt trying to save me from what probably sounded like a home invasion. Oh well..this and the aging PP Pal Dog (That is a whole 'nther Blog) will probably kill me anyway.

Today's Tip: ???Can you add Vodka to wine??? YES you can.

Friday, September 24, 2010

Slippery Slope

Once again I find myself in a state of such confusion that my brain hurts...

I was at Fresh and Easy, my new favorite grocery store, the other morning in my uber small town. This was just post workout so I was soaking wet and maybe a little less than my normal attractive self.

I was checking out and saw a friend coming into the store. I waited for her to come a little closer before I flagged her down. She turned around the corner and looked right at me. She started to look away. She did a double take..then a TRIPLE take. Honest to God can it be that bad???
The short answer to this is, yep...IT CAN!!! Crap!

SO naturally; because I guess you can't see my eyeball since my eyelids are so old and puffy that they can't do anything but hang there; we discuss who will be doing our eyelifts. She has the name of the BEST eyelift guy...blah Beverly Hills.

OMG, am I gonna go to Bev Hills and have my eyes lifted?
Well I guess since this seems to be a fairly common topic when I run into people I haven't seen in a while and my mom's favorite topic whenEVER she sees me...the short answer here is also, YEP...I AM!!! Holy Crap!

I am not sure who I am anymore.
When did all these weird things happen to me? When did I get so old that people I have known for ages don't recognize me? I admit the post workout look probably didn't help, but REALLY. When did I become a person that stands in the grocery store and discusses plastic surgeons in Beverly Hills. Dear God...I think I might be on the other side of the mountain of life...

I want a limo-like sled for this journey fully equipped with a TV, a library and champagne, loads of it.... I am gonna sit back and enjoy the ride. And no matter what the Hub says, my dogs will be allowed on my SLED furniture.

After the EYELIFT!!!

FYI: When the wayward lids affect your vision (like in my extreme case) I think insurance will pay for it. I just need to find a reason for the tummytuck....

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

OH What a Night!!!

So when things are even a little stressful in my life, I have a hard time sleeping. I can usually fall asleep thanks to reading....(man I really need to invent glasses that I can doze off in, cause that breaks the dozing path), but I can't stay asleep.

I have funky dreams that, as previously stated, are sickeningly symbolic.
Like last night, among many others, I had a dream that my brother...Camp Chris (CC) and I were locked in a room and each given an iPod-lighter thingy and a gun ..{Sibling spat} We were being forced into a challenge {watched Bachelor Pad} to make the iPod-ter thingy into..I don't even know, but somehow we had to adapt it and that would make the gun work and we had to shoot the other one. And if we didn't do it, 'they' {this is a critical piece of unsolved symbolism} would kill us both. (Yeah, I probably need some help!!)

CC went into this whole heartedly. REALLY!! He quickly went to work as McGuyver {Adorable's fave show} and had his gun ready to shoot ME in like two seconds. I was busy trying to figure out how to get us BOTH out alive {DUH, I am a saint}....Like ok, we can shoot at the wall at the same time and maybe 'they" won't know.....Maybe we could shoot at each others legs, so we could live through this. I look up and CC is loaded and aimed at my chest!!!! I GIVE!!! Go for it! But I'm SO TELLING MOM on you!!!

When these dreams happen I wake myself up, because even though I am creating them, I CAN'T take them.
So, once awake, if I have had any more than two hours of sleep....I AM UP!!

Hub, bless his sound asleep..NOT SOUNDLESSLY sleeping mind you.
GOD, he is way too loud right now!! I try try try to go back to sleep, but too scared and TOO LOUD.

I need to read or something. The hub did install these really cool lights above our bed so we could each have our own reading lights. Nice huh? BUT whenever I turn mine on he wakes up...not so useful.

So I grab my glasses (ARG!!) and my book and head downstairs. Get as comfy as I can on the couch put on the torture glasses and read. WHY am I reading a scary book? (I totally need help)

Read read just about to doze off and my old dog PP Pal (DK) audibly breaks wind. When this happens least there was warning..we all hit the deck. It is so unpleasant that it defies description. SO I cover under the covers and wait for the storm to pass.

After about a year or so, I need to start the process all over. Get comfy and read read read...About to doze again. Remove the glasses and settle in.

AHHhhhh lovely. I am comfy and about to go to hopefully a nicer dreamland...
At the very moment that feels so lovely....
My HUGE sweet dog Gino starts SNORING louder than I have ever heard anything snore in my life..And trust me that is loud. THIS dog has NEVER snored in his LIFE.. TEN years nary a peep.

AND NOW after my brother tried to kill me...the hub stole my PP Pal tried to suffocate me.....GINO betrayed me...

Et tu Gino????

Really tired...