Thursday, December 23, 2010

My Christmas Wish

All I want for Christmas is a magnifying mirror a magnifying mirror a magnifying mirror....

Really that is all I want...
That's all I need.

Well and an eye lift. Yep just a magnifying mirror and an eye lift...THAT's it, that's all I need....

Well and a tummy tuck. Ok, just a magnifying mirror, an eye lift and a tummy tuck...that's it....I am GOOD...REALLY!!

Well, ok and a boob job..So JUST an magnifying mirror, an eye lift, a tummy tuck and a boob job....PERFECT...Thanks...

Oh.....wait....a little lipo too....soooooo....

Oh Crap nevermind!!

Merry Chr...Oppsss Happy Holidays!!!

Thursday, December 9, 2010


This old vessel has betrayed me a number of times.

Like when for NO reason, one of my ovaries ruptured, causing internal bleeding and subsequent emergency surgery.

Or when my feet go numb during my work outs. And my hips and knees kinda complain lately when kickboxing...hmm?? Too old?? NOT!!!

Or when I got the Shingle Bells from stress....which didn't help the stress BTW.

BUT never ever my SKIN.

I have always had really great skin...which I thank my MOM for.

Never had breakouts.

Never had rashes.

Although my face is falling down down down, I have few wrinkles.

It always has been my ally.

NOT anymore.

It has decided to get rash-ie and my scalp is on fire. SO I do what normal people do and I go see the Dermo.

OK, I have some diagnosis. Something that is brought on from STRESS. (Theme??) I am armed with several prescriptions. Specials shampoo, cream, lotion and soap. FINE.... I will get them.

Go to Costco (LOVE Costco). Hand the Pharm Tech the FOUR Rx's and she says.."These are fairly expensive, even with insurance."

"Ok how much?" Cause I can't let my skin just fall off.

Honest to GOD;





With insurance!!!!!

Oh and the OTC crap I was supposed to get was around $25.oo!!!!

WHOA!!!! Never mind.

Of course Sis Extraordinaire is already on the case. She learns that condition is caused from stress and lack of sun. Really? I live in SoCal. How is this possible??

HA, no vacation this or last year. That's how.

After careful consideration, I decided that instead of spending nearly $1k on crap, I am gonna go on a vacation. alone or only with the Hub and lay around in the sun...

I think this will be money BETTER spent.

Well, when I get the money, that is!!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

From Dark Cloud to BLACK Friday

Oh God the day after Thanksgiving is known as Black Friday for a REASON!!!

I think it has had other definitions over the years...something to do with some war maybe, before it was the definition for the day after T-day when the entire retail market is on sale and everything opens in the middle of the night. Seriously, they are opening earlier and earlier and now stores are trying to be the first open. NUTS!! Next year they will probably open at......???? The day after Easter?

So as is typical here in mi casa; Gobble (Turkish son) is going off with the exchange student group; Adorable is gonna sleep like a new teenager and Bio....well crap, she decides that the sales are worth the craziness. She and her BFF were gonna leave at the crack, but 10:30 got outta here.

She can't just go to our local mall...NO she has to go the huge one farther away. Whatever, I am not there, I don't care. Hub and I are gonna hang out, maybe get a taco ($1.00 only) and ya know not sure..just laze about. Not Black Friday here.

At about 11:15 Bio calls me and she is WAY upset. Her voice is shaking and she is saying "mom" way too many times. OMG, now F---ing what? Breathe Blogopause..just breathe...

"What Honey, what happened, what's the matter?" I am gonna puke!!!
"..and then ...well Chloe was RIGHT there and I said I was holding it..and she said..."
"Whoa, Sweet Precious Darling daughter (hee hee) calm down and tell me what happened."
"Ok ok ok...we were driving in the parking lot when we ..."

It took way too long to get out in Bio-speak, so nutshell (like I ever nutshell anything):
They saw a parking spot. Bio jumped out and stood in the spot to hold it. Her BFF was just about there when this Mini Cooper starts entering the spot. Bio said "I am holding it and my friend is right behind you." The Mini had a foul mouth and yelled at Bio that it was not a not nice way.

Bio held her ground LITERALLY and Mini drove into her...REALLY. It just tapped her but still. Bio backed up and Mini hit her again...REALLY..


"Oh my God are you ok are you HURT????" I am holding my breath waiting. She is calling me and she is talking, so..

"I'm ok, well my knees hurt a little but I am ok."

Oh NO, here comes the Mama Tiger. Can't stop it from happening, but it scares me.

"Dad and I are on our way. We will call you when we get close"

The hub says, "We can't just hang out in the parking lot til the girl (criminal) comes out."

zoom zoom zoom kinda

WHO THE HELL hits a kid, right or anyone??? Maybe she shouldn't have been holding the spot, but AYKM???? Stupid Mini just messed with the wrong chick. Look out cause I am coming and I am really STEAMED!!

Get there, find the Mini, Bio comes out and the parade of Cops on Unique Modes of Transportation began.

Two pretend cops come by on HORSEBACK wearing Santa hats...really (I found it kinda festive). Tell them the story and they radio for the real cop.

Real cop arrives on a SEGWAY "mall cop" . Really, it had a cop lights on it and they were flashing. I had to squelch my giggle, cause this is serious stuff.

Mall cop is talking on a headset and I look up and he is talking to the pilot of the HELICOPTER that is circling above. REALLY!!
When we tell mall cop the situation, he says that there is really nothing we can do, but take her license plate number and file a report. Do we want to do that??? HELL YES we do.

BUT wait...

Criminal comes out with her MOM not the same person that was with her when she nearly killed my daughter.

SO now the plot thickens. Since we have the perp, we can file a charge against HER now.

I hear people talking on radios and I look around and five more cops arrived for the party on BICYCLES... Yeah pedal pedal spin bikes. But they have guns. SO we're gonna be safe.

In the meantime Bio is now shaking cause seeing the criminal scared her. At the first sight of her after Bio ID'ed (cop lingo) her, I wanted to jump her and beat the living hell outta her. But since I don't believe in violence, I couldn't do that. But the Hub could..No not to a girl. Bitch!!

Criminal at first looked at us and said "I am really sorry. I told her (MY KID) I was sorry."
REALLY??? Sorry is what you say when you intentionally hit them with your car?? Never knew the proper response when you try to kill someone. Thanks for the tip. But we don't actually engage in a discussion with the perp.

Not sure what was going on but a LOT of talking among the million cops. And of course they questioned Bio and her BFF. They also questioned the murderous loon. More talk talk talk.

Three cop CARS arrive on the scene with two officers per vehicle. Wow, over-kill. But I have to say seeing the normal mode of transportation for coppers was a little comforting.

So now we are up to...????

TWELVE police people...YES 12!!!

But wait...
They can't decide whether they can arrest her cause they are not sure they can prove INTENT....WHAT the hell?? She saw my kid and hit her TWICE.

But, did she INTEND to hit her??? Who fricken gives a crap? She DID!!!

OK these people, all 12 of them can't decide. SO,

The Captain arrives in an UN-MARKER muscle car with another under-cover dude. This is getting so juicy. But Bio is really shaken and she really just wants to shop. NO WAY. We need to see that justice prevails.

More talk talk talk....An hour later. They decide they can't prove intent and that it will be a "Traffic" issue. So....

They call the traffic cop. Now that the big decision has been made by the Captain and the traffic dude is on the way (why couldn't the cops at the scene take care of it??? don't know), the parade of cops leaves. Kinda scary now...Just us, the Perp and Mall Cop. He's 'packing' though so we are ok.

Wait wait wait...

Traffic cop arrives.....funny he doesn't look any different than all the other guys...whatever...
HOLD ON...he is flirting with the Perp. NO not ok. Arg...

OK so he decides that he can write a 'traffic report'....just a report. And after he talks with Mall Cop he decides they will also write a 'criminal report'. HUH? I wanted her hauled off in handcuffs. But the criminal report is "Assault with a Deadly Weapon" (ADW, for those in the know) which sounds so scary and that it is kinda cool.

SO after about 2 hours, we have one report and one on the way and we have EVERY ONE'S complete assurance that NOTHING will come of it....More like a guarantee.

Honest to God. I know Bio should not have held the spot or her ground OR gone up against even a MINI, but REALLY...NOTHING?????

Merry Fricken Christmas....OH wait....not PC... Happy Ficken Holidays!!!