Steamed!!!

I am suing the AARP!!!!

I am outraged that they started stalking me at the moment I turned .. ? ... no where near Senior/Retired age.

This whole Internet advertising/stalking thing is not only scary, it's pissing me off.
Google
Yahoo
Even you, Blogspot. You are not exempt here. You send me crap about stuff I may or may NOT be referring to in my posts.

For the record (I bet They won't read this part) .....
I am NOT single. I am not looking for single men my age in my area. (Yep, They know where I live and sorta know, kinda...close-ish, my age).
I am NOT ready for AARP
and
I AM NOT IN MENOPAUSE!!!!!

For the love of God, please quit. Because if you don't quit, I'm gonna....DO Something VERY radical..


When I figure out what that might be.

It's Complicated

I got out of bed this morning, brushed my teeth and went back to make my bed... (hee hee)
Like every other day, I just look at it and think it is too big a job for this early in the day.
TODAY, I figured out why.
Sleeping is hard work for me these days and requires mucho accouterments.
Let's see, there is the fan that blasts on my face sitting on the dresser.
There is the ceiling fan at full blast as well.
THEN, the bed...
There is the heating pad that is on low -all night- every night- to try to ease my lower back.
There is the special Tempurpedic pillow to help the arthritis in my neck....
This is sometimes covered by yet another pillow when I wake up and read in the night... NOW when that happens I wake later with a neck ache and have to remove the extra pillow...
VERY Disruptive.
There is also the little-ish pillow that has to be between my knees when laying on my left side OR big knee pain the next day.
And then there is the body pillow. This large puff provides all kinds of therapeutic benefits. Not really, I just use it to drape half my body over when I am sleeping on the Other side.
Those are just the players..
Then there is the condition of the actual bed and sheets.
When I move at night it takes all kinds of re-adjusting and .. because there is clearly a ventilation problem in my room, I get hot then cold then hot then, ....you get the idea. So the sheets and blankie look like they were the survivors of a tornado.
I am completely exhausted just thinking about it.
No wonder I am not refreshed when I wake up and
I THINK this might be why I have been having dreams that are so scary that I have to make myself become fully awake to shake them off.
Does this have anything to do with age?
NAHHhhhhhh

Oh Where Oh Where....

I have recently been turned on to Kosher salt. I love salt and the coarse salt is genius. (So is Words With Friends, btw). So in addition to using it in recipes, I now have a little tiny bowl of this Godlike creation to sprinkle randomly on food. I keep it where I keep my salt and pepper shakers. next to my stove, out of the way, yet handy for cooking.
The other day when I wanted a little pinch to put on something.... IDK maybe it was my cereal. JK, I am not that nutty....ANYWAY,
The little tiny bowl was gone. WHAT?
Since I seem to lose everything these days, I look around, figuring I misplaced it. Look Look Look. Nope it is gone and the tiny little bowl is in the dishwasher. Hhmmmm???
The hub comes into the kitchen and I so sweetly ask him about it.
He put it back in the box in the pantry, cause that is "where it belongs".
"But I like to use little pinches of it."
This confused the poor man. He did the head tilt like the dog. HUH??
Again, so sweetly "Please just leave it out for me." I have to go on to say that it is fine. It doesn't take up much room, the ants don't want it. It is FINE.
I replace the little tiny bowl of yumminess and put a note under it that reads: "Do Not Remove."
You know, just to be clear. xoxo
SO, this morning while preparing a marinade (God, I AM Wonder Woman), I pull out the Cuisinart and start with the first two ingredients. Garlic and salt. (I am thinking at this point that the coarse salt is a clever move on my part.) I crush the million cloves into machine and go for the salt.
OMG!!! The little tiny bowl is missing. The note is still there, but not the tiny little bowl.
I AM PISSED. Ok well maybe it was a joke. I whip out my cell phone (that I still can't properly use) and text the Hub.
"WHERE IS THE SALT?" No smiley face, no xoxo. I just want the F-ing salt.
I go to the pantry get the box, bring it back to the Cuisinart, am about to measure the salt. Reach down for the measuring spoon and HOLY CRAP.... the little tiny bowl was right there next to the machine JUST waiting for me.
What the helga is going on here. It didn't just appear there. The only other member of the fam that was home, was Adorable and he was upstairs preparing for school. REALLY???
I had to take a moment and collect myself. Breath breath.
I PUT IT THERE!!! I am seriously concerned about my sanity.
BUT the worst part? I have to apologize to the Hub.
CRAP!!