Friday, March 25, 2011

The Answer...

After seriously researching and investigating, I have concluded that...WAIT wait; I have to tell the truth- 30 minutes on Google. What?
I have concluded that Bio and I are Gluten Intolerant. I am sure that I have finally discovered what is causing all my symptoms. The pregnant-like belly, the skin issues that are gonna make me raw and bald (why do we need hair anyway? we should all be bald...just saying), the aches and pains in my joints, etc. It is not age, weight or even the M-word. It's NOT. I am so sure that this is the answer, that I started us on a Gluten free diet.
Bio's got her various symptoms, but enough about her already.
I am waiting until I need to do the Big grocery shop to supply the kitchen with all we will need to be Gluten free. In the meantime I am using all my acquired knowledge and using all the existing food in the house to hold us over. Not like we are gonna starve, right?
SO this morning, while trying to figure out what she can eat for breakfast (she needs a nutritious breakie cause she has a big test today), I decide I will make us scrambled eggs. GOOD.
As my mornings normally go, I only have two eggs left. Oh well, I decide I will add a little more milk and this will be sufficient for the two of us.
Get the eggs, milk and the bowl. Go to the sink to dump the cracked egg shells. Crack the first egg open...RIGHT into the sink..NOT the bowl. CRAP, one egg down. But this stops me in my tracks because I am such a moron that I must laugh at myself until I pee.
Bio who (damn it) witnesses this, says "Did you just crack that into the drain? Crazy lady!"
Shut your trap offspring, before I crack the next one over your head of wet hair!!! You wanna see crazy?
Whatevs, there is enough for her breakfast. Which I lovingly go about finishing. Test day after all!
While laboring over the hot stove, I so politely ask Bio to feed the dogs.
"I can't I am wearing socks."
NOT kidding. Is she really unable to feed the dogs because there are socks on her feet???
Dear God, what the hell is happening here? I have to wonder if this is related to Gluten somehow. GOOGLE me....
Since I am now questioning my sanity, I don't push this. I will feed them myself after I drop the kids off at school...Which is BTW about two blocks away. Yeah I see it too...looking crazy now.
Go about the rest of the morning crap. Lunches, teeth, blah blah. Then Bio asks me if I filled out..I don't know something really important for school.
I don't answer her. She asks again, this time adding "aaaaa, crazy lady???"
Still don't answer...She whines at me again.
I turn to her, smile my I love you smile and say to the precious love, "I can't answer you now because I am wearing socks."
Bite me......

Monday, March 7, 2011

This Just In

It is a fairly well known fact that Realtors don't change their picture/head shots very often. It is not uncommon for a Realtor to have a 20 year old picture. This doesn't cause any problems and it is just the way it IS!!! BUT, my head shot was taken only 7 years ago. True that was a few pounds ago and about an eon of stress ago (teenagers)....BUT only 7 years.

The other day while in my office, I was sitting at my desk with one of our marketing people and she looks up to the picture of me I have hanging up...(it is there to remind me that I am in fact a "smiling Realtor") and she says to me.."I have been meaning to talk to you about your head shot."

Ok I am thinking here comes the compliment. Heck it is a great shot...should be it cost me $500.
But OH no. She says "You really need to get a new picture."
HUH????? Brace yourself...It can't be bad, can it?
"This picture doesn't look anything like you. You need a new one."

OMG. I hate her. What the hell?? Why?? It is me and it looks like me. Well some part of me.
I used to like this woman. I used to think she was our marketing genius. How wrong I was. Never using her again.

So the real news that the results are in....
The Gyno's office called me and I am after all NOT pregnant. The ultrasound tech also called me to tell me that there is nothing going on inside of me. The poor dear was taken slightly aback when I yelled at her... "So are you telling me there is NOT a 20 pound tumor inside me?" She really really didn't know what to say. She tested me with a tiny chuckle. WRONGO bucko, this is not funny.

I guess I go back to the drawing board. ARG