Friday, March 25, 2011

The Answer...

After seriously researching and investigating, I have concluded that...WAIT wait; I have to tell the truth- 30 minutes on Google. What?
I have concluded that Bio and I are Gluten Intolerant. I am sure that I have finally discovered what is causing all my symptoms. The pregnant-like belly, the skin issues that are gonna make me raw and bald (why do we need hair anyway? we should all be bald...just saying), the aches and pains in my joints, etc. It is not age, weight or even the M-word. It's NOT. I am so sure that this is the answer, that I started us on a Gluten free diet.
Bio's got her various symptoms, but enough about her already.
I am waiting until I need to do the Big grocery shop to supply the kitchen with all we will need to be Gluten free. In the meantime I am using all my acquired knowledge and using all the existing food in the house to hold us over. Not like we are gonna starve, right?
SO this morning, while trying to figure out what she can eat for breakfast (she needs a nutritious breakie cause she has a big test today), I decide I will make us scrambled eggs. GOOD.
As my mornings normally go, I only have two eggs left. Oh well, I decide I will add a little more milk and this will be sufficient for the two of us.
Get the eggs, milk and the bowl. Go to the sink to dump the cracked egg shells. Crack the first egg open...RIGHT into the sink..NOT the bowl. CRAP, one egg down. But this stops me in my tracks because I am such a moron that I must laugh at myself until I pee.
Bio who (damn it) witnesses this, says "Did you just crack that into the drain? Crazy lady!"
Shut your trap offspring, before I crack the next one over your head of wet hair!!! You wanna see crazy?
Whatevs, there is enough for her breakfast. Which I lovingly go about finishing. Test day after all!
While laboring over the hot stove, I so politely ask Bio to feed the dogs.
"I can't I am wearing socks."
NOT kidding. Is she really unable to feed the dogs because there are socks on her feet???
Dear God, what the hell is happening here? I have to wonder if this is related to Gluten somehow. GOOGLE me....
Since I am now questioning my sanity, I don't push this. I will feed them myself after I drop the kids off at school...Which is BTW about two blocks away. Yeah I see it too...looking crazy now.
Go about the rest of the morning crap. Lunches, teeth, blah blah. Then Bio asks me if I filled out..I don't know something really important for school.
I don't answer her. She asks again, this time adding "aaaaa, crazy lady???"
Still don't answer...She whines at me again.
I turn to her, smile my I love you smile and say to the precious love, "I can't answer you now because I am wearing socks."
Bite me......


  1. love the answer!! BTW I have heard wonders about the gluten trick! Like for yearssss ppl are like, what's wrong wit me???? And then some holisic dr rolls through like hey, try THIS!!!! and bam - life changing...

    Xox JW

  2. Oatmeal is gluten free. SO it's safe to come to Boca!

  3. Awesome post. Wishing you socks on your feet every day and great health always.

  4. I have to agree with the bio's. I can't do anything when I'm wearing socks because I usually pull them over my head because I'm always sticking my foot in my mouth. This eliminates the middleman!

  5. I think I am too. Read this great article on gluten intolerance from Women to Women: I somehow think there's a connection between developing GI and menopause symptoms, but I haven't found the answer yet... Maybe chronic inflammation? Anyway, good blog and I wish you well on the journey.