Sunday, May 23, 2010

The Beauty of Bio

It appears ...glaringly I guess...that Bio is getting a bad rap. So to clear things up, I am posting about the Beauty of Bio..

First, Bio IS an actual beauty. Her physical beauty in not only from my position of total bias. I did after all create the creature and I was no duckling in my day (and the Hub is still a looker...brat) ...however the truth be told she is a stunner.

BUT the real beauty of Bio isn't even her exterior shimmer. It is the inner beauty of Bio that makes me blissful.

Bio is a teen. A full blown rager of teen everything, but even still, she is one of my VERY FAVORITE people in the world to be with.

I have some extremely fond memories of mother daughter times that I will cherish forever.
Like a trip we took to San Diego one year, while the boys were doing Indian Guides camping crap..(Oh BTW, I heard they will need to change the the name of the Guides, because it is not PC...REALLY? What will they call it ?? Is Native American Guides really less offensive? There are so many things I really don't understand.... Normally I would make a Bio crack here, but that would be inappropriate!!)

Back to the Beauty of Bio:
The San Diego trip was so wonderful. We went to a spa, we went to a Cirque show, we went to Ruth Chris (prior to her declaring she would never eat anything that had a face..). So lovely. But the most memorable times were the drives to and from and hanging in the hotel room. We talked about everything. We laughed about everything. We listened to everything...even my music. It doesn't matter what I am doing with Bio, when we are alone without any angst, the world... is in complete beautiful harmony. Really!!

She is my genetic reflection..or something. SO I guess it makes sense that we would be simpatico. But to be CLEAR..I really really and truly dig Bio as a equal person, that I truly love to spend time with.

She is:
Funny and Fun
Courageous and Brave
Easy Going (unless the hormones have taken possession....hey I get it!)
She is .... WAY more than any adjective I can attach to her.

I love Bio of course. I really love her. I would even if I didn't have to.....But the real Beauty of Bio is that I GENUINELY like her...

I will never question why I got so lucky to have a beautiful Bio that is such an amazing person, I will just spend my days being thankful and making fun of her....(Get over it Honey!)

xoxo love ya Bio..

Friday, May 21, 2010

Sick Of It

I hate hate hate being sick...Is it 'being' sick? Who knows and who cares. (Could ask Bio, since she knows everything.) I usually can ward off the ugly bugs, but since the body is again betraying me and keeping my away from working out with Big Stud, my immune system is compromised.

The house and all it's occupants have been politely sharing and re- sharing some revolting diseases over the past month and a half--give or take a... year..

It always always comes to a complete head at "finals" time. This works particularly well for Bio. This way she can then blame me for a low test score..HOW CAN I SUCK SO BAD?!?!? Please advise. I am sure it is due to the fact that although I put her medicine out by a lovely glass of water for her on the counter and told her 15 times to take it before she left...that it is my fault that she did NOT take it.....Really??? Really really?? She is nearly 17 fricken years old and she has vast experience being sick. Whatevs...over it.

For the Adorable 13 it is not quite as convenient. He doesn't have 'finals' only state testing and that doesn't matter towards grades, so pointless in my book. Schools need to just drop.....whoa never mind...feeling way to poorly to speak my mind about the stupid crap..Here is all I have to say..Quit it.

Paraguay can be sick anytime cause her grades don't matter at all since she goes home (ARG...maybe not) with no credits from her work here. Talk about stupid ...she is working her ass off in her second language for NOTHING! Quit this too..

The Hub pretty much hangs in there until the breaking point. Then he usually takes his toys and goes to the bedroom. He turns the room into a dark cave and stays there until he is better. He gets angry when I ask him if he needs anything.....SERIOUSLY??? Fine..
Another new one just got introduced... on day three of the cold one of my generous off spring shared with me...I woke up from sleeping on the couch..trying to keep illness away from Hub. I get up start to do my morning work, before getting up the kids and starting 'Morning Ritual' and he comes down the stairs, grabs his keys and says "I don't feel well, I am going to the beach." HUH?????
Honest to God....This elicits so many reactions, it is an entire Blog on it's own....Needless, I was NOT happy.

Me, I can't be sick until the end of the day...Cause no matter how I feel I still have to:

Get up and wake the children.....
Make breakfasts
Wake the children
Make lunches
Wake the children
Feed the dogs
Put the dishes in the dishwasher
Dress myself
Get everyone in the car
Pick up other carpooling kids
Drop off at 18 different schools

Go to work.....

Then my day begins...When I am done, or if it is just time..

I leave work
Pick up the older kids
Drive to second school
Wait for three years (with Bio bitching usually that she has "stuff to doaaa")
Get younger kids
Take all kids to their homes
Drop off my kids (with specific instructions on homework, medicine and the like....that just gets ignored)

Go back to work....

When work is done..
Make any needed stops on my way home.
Come home and start dinner.

If I am really really lucky and ONLY if there are no other sick occupants at that time, I can come home and lay around and hope that someone will take care of me....ME..

Yeah, not!!
Coming soon: Why being sick at Connie's house is like winning the Lottery. Well for everyone but me.

Monday, May 17, 2010

California Dreaming

I woke up this morning feeling crappy because of the horrible nightmare where the Hub was furious with me for...not sure what... and grew like a foot taller and dropped the F--- bomb on me. It was scary..

In the beginning after dreams like that when I woke up mad at him, I would tell him what he did in the dream and that I expected an apology..[YES I DID]..... Welllll???? He was being a the dream, but so what..he did it.
And back then he would laugh at me. Like ohhh isn't that cute, she is blaming me for her dreams. Then he would do something like kiss me on the top of me head and walk away.. (Like ahhh bless her deranged little heart)..... That did not work. Stayed mad.

Then he would get minorly pissy, but would still kinda humor me with ...."That was NOT me, it was your dream. I did NOT run off with a strange woman from the bar." then " I am right here."
DUH I see you...NOT THE POINT. Still mad.

Then he progressed to just plain pissed...with no humoring me. It went approximately like.."It was YOUR dream..don't they say that you represent all the people in your dreams? Then you should be mad at yourself.." REALLY?????
THIS DOES not work...although just knowing that is pretty good, but don't throw it back at me...Just stay away from the Psychology of it all... that's my department... JUST APOLOGIZE!!!

Then it progressed to if I even start to say anything about my dreams and he even senses that he mis-behaved (Ya huh) then he walks right out of the room and out of the house, if possible.THIS REALLY DOES NOT WORK!!!! Fuming...

Reallyaaa...... I would apologize if I acted up in his dreams...But the truth is I never do...EVER. It might have something to do with the fact that he doesn't dream (or know). But he does dream I know cause I hear him dreaming and there is never any angst. By the sounds of it I am nice, very nice.... HEY!! WAIT A MINUTE...what if he is dreaming about someone else????? HOLY CRAP, now I am really mad.

He needs to get home right now and apologize for getting big and scary and swearing at me in my dream AND he needs to explain who the HO is in his dreams!!! He better apologize for dreaming about her... FORGET IT, I'm calling him right now.... answer

Oh yeah and if that wasn't bad enough, I woke up with a disorganized perm..not the cute kind I used to pay for in the '80's, but a messy icky one AND...... whoever did my hair, shrunk ALL my clothes two full sizes...Probably the same sleazy, skankball that's in the Hub's dreams.


Good Morning J.V. Thank you for reading, have a great day!

Monday, May 10, 2010

'How To'

Being a Mom is the toughest job I have ever had. I have had a lot of jobs. I have worked since I was 16, so you know like 20 years or so.....Annnnyway, I have had part time nothing jobs to big corporate positions. And now I am in Real Estate Sales...enuf said there.

But Motherhood, man o has some of the crappiest (literally) work ever, the least impact on the bank account (can't say I don't get paid, cause I do...just not in money), and the longest hours. Well actually in this job you never get breaks.

It is also the most important job I will ever have. What I don't get though, is this job doesn't come with instructions or training. Every other job I have ever had you get an employees manual, training and and often a trial period...cause even if your resume said you were right for the may turn out that you're NOT. Becoming a mom, NONE of that. You're a lifer no matter how well you do or how qualified you are.

Sure there are books, like Dr. Spock (which I spent about 30 minutes looking in for 'potty training'...cursing the so called baby expert until the Hub told me normal people call it 'TOILET training'....see I suck) and "What to like very age". But these 'manuals' were not specific to me, to my kids or ANY of the situations I experienced.

It would be like ONLY READING a book on how to Be a Good Teacher and then... using ONLY that information... being thrown into a classroom to teach an 'Advanced Placement Psychology of the Teenage Brain' class. Then going to second period and teaching 'Quantum Physics'.... Honestly!!

I wish each kid came with a How To book, completely specific to them. Outlining the job of raising each one, step by step. Like when you buy furniture you need to assemble. It comes with instructions.... oh and pictures. Yeah I would need pictures. I would probably only really looked at the pictures.....and actually that IKEA table, I didn't even do that. That one last piece that remained when I was done assembling..that I couldn't figure out where it was supposed to was the Allen Wrench. Yeah it was really hard getting those screws in with a Phillips screw driver..they were all stripped. I know these things now thanks to the Hub.

Well now that I really think about it.....never mind. Mr. IKEA could have walked through the table assembly step by step and I would have done it my way anyway....Yeah forget it, I will continue to wing it........

May the force be with me and my poor offspring.

Saw Babies on Mother's day...super cute!!

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

No Take Backs...

My mom just asked me what I was gonna do when Paraguay went home........... to Paraguay..

WHAT??? I have to give her back???

This was not thought through. How did I not plan for this? I think everything through...way through...Ask the hub.

Crap, does Bio know this?
She will be totally crushed!!
----Who will she stay up all night chatting with..even on school nights?
----Who's clothes will she steal?
----Who's gonna do her Spanish homework? Don't look at me No Habla Espanol..

Does Adorable 13 know this?
He will be devastated!!
----Who will watch Bob Esponja endlessly with him?
----Who will laugh at his jokes like she does?
----Who will run around the house with him like it is on fire..for no reason other than it is fun?

Does the hub know this?
He will be so sad.
----Who will ....??? YEAH whatever
He will be very sad. He does love her like his own.

And what will I do???
I can't stand this thought...
I have :
----taken her into my home.
----taken her into my family.
----taken her to school (so scared for her..freaked all day til she came home).
----taken her to the doctor.
----taken care of her while sick.
----taken her on vacation.

ALL GLADLY and happily.
But mostly:

I have taken her into MY HEART!!! And that is a tough nut to crack..AND now someone is gonna take her away from ME????


Monday, May 3, 2010

Little White Lines

When I took my mom to the airport and watched her go I cried. The truth is that nowadays everything makes me cry ...or in between lately and oh yeah everything scares me. (My family is so lucky) I think it is possible that I am being taken over by aliens,.....How else can these bizarre emotions be explained??? Mystery..

Anyway, I don't ofter drive to the airport and I know it has been a fairly long time since I was in Drivers Ed...

(Not to worry though 'cause I usually am fortunate enough to have bio with me to tell me how to drive, and explain things to me since she knows everythingaaaa. "Mom you are speeding. Mom you are following too closely for the speed at which you are travelling. Mom the light is green GOaaa." She IS in Drivers Ed now, duhhhh.. Pheww thank God!)

Oh Crap is that what I sound like when the hub is driving?? Note to self: Check that cause it is so annoying.

but... don't those dotted white lines define the lanes? And aren't you supposed to stay WITHIN them? Really it is like an obstacle course every time you get behind the wheel...

People are putting on make up, reading, people are texting, talking on the phones... Oh and BTW.. holding the phone in your hand with speaker on up close to your mouth but not up against your ear does NOT qualify as "Hands Free"...seriously. Just put it to your'll look slightly less stupid!!! People are driving with their knees, they drive while eating and they drive with those "accessory" dogs on their shoulders or on their laps with those little toothpick paws on the steering wheel!!!! ... Really how is that NOT illegal????

I get pulled over and get ticketed for everything. How do these criminals get away with this crap??? I don't get it.

This crap doesn't make me laugh or cry and the next person that tries to side swipe we while driving with their knee so the can eat and hold their phone near their mouth engaged in some extremely important conversation while their rat dog plays 'driving'..... should be scared of ME...

Oh yeah and I have some free floating anger sometimes...