Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Morning Ritual

Every week day morning starts exactly the same way, I get up, start the coffee and go to the kids’ bedroom doors (well, unless someone has posted new FB pics … yeah ... please stop that).

"Get up kids; it's time to get going!" xoxo

I start really sweet ... “Come on guys let's go. It's a beautiful day outside (even when it's not – they’re still asleep and can't tell if I am lying)." Sweet, right?

Next, I usually sing ... "Rise and shine and give MOM your glory, glory." Cute, right?

And, before I go back downstairs to start the caffeine drip and maid duties, I say fun things like ... "Let's rock and roll!" or "Feet on floor!" Fun, right?

Enough, I figure, so I proceed to my next excruciatingly fun task. Down I go and I start preparing three breakfasts and three lunches (and seriously this is too hard at this hour for me ... check this out: bio-teen is a newly declared vegetarian, Paraguay ESL teen only eats meat and carbs, and adorable pre-teen boy needs lots of food). I am guzzling coffee at this point. And EVERYDAY (I am a total moron), I truly believe that they are upstairs doing what I so politely and cutely asked of them ...just  GETTING UP!

Usually around a mayonnaise application, I realize I am hearing nothing from above.   GO near the stairs and say loud and still sweet, but minus the singing ... "Guys let's go, time to get moving and grooving!" Kinda sweet, right?

Go back to the short order cook shit and continue to guzzle the coffee.

5 minutes pass STILL NOTHING.   GO to the first landing of the stairs and say "GUYS get up NOW your going to be late!" Not sweet but not nasty, right?

3 minutes later ... ‘cause I still have to finish all the crap they need ... OK STILL NOTHING ... GO all the way upstairs and start yelling and threatening ... I won't write those quotes ... you will think less of me (can't have that) … this works and they get up.  They scramble ... they bitch at each other about using the bathroom and everything else ‘cause they are cranky. If they had gotten up when I was singing they wouldn't be cranky, but whatever ...

Rush, Rush, Rush ...

Shove the breakfast I made (and yeah usually three different things – I'm an ass) in their faces, grab the lunches that I lovingly prepared and race to the car ...

On the way out the door I hear ...

"Mom, why didn't you wake us up earlieraaaaa?"

Honestly, open a vein now ....


  1. Hahahahahahaaaaa
    I know from experience that this is true, and wonder if maybe, just maybe, you are a slow learner????