Air Travel

Airplanes used to be a different experience for me. Pre-kids as a professional traveling for business ... it was all business. Get my seat, a drink and food ... it was free then ... it was still crap, but it was free crap. Then read or work. Business, business, business. If I ever did need anything from a flight attendant (FA) they would fall over themselves to accommodated me. They are so nice to business travelers.


And I was always annoyed by the families not the babies (cause they can't help it and truth be told if their moms were good moms the babies wouldn't be crying ... pre-kid mentality ... HA). But the families taking up entire rows, with their million needs ... pillows, blankets, headsets ... calling the attendant for water before take off ... ARG!!! ... bugged me.

NOW ... well things are a little different.

I have never used the "call button" EVER and I don't like it when people do (unless you are going into anaphylactic shock, duh) ... but, I realized this trip I am totally scared to summon the FA.

My kids ... not so much.

CRAP! ...

"Maaamm Tina didn't get her headset." Bio says to me across the aisle.

"Ok, wait 'til the flight attendant comes back and ... "

'No, duh, we can just call her (cause I have never flown before) and ... "

She reaches up to the call button ...

"NO LILY DON'T PUSH ... "

Too late!

"Honey they are very busy you should just wait until they come back up the aisle."

"No they aren'taaaa. I was just back there and she is just reading a Star magazine. The one with Angelina and Brad and ... " who cares (I do, but now is not the time) ...

She's right, have you ever seen them doing anything else at the back of the plane these days? No. They don't bring you food anymore or do really anything else ... NO they are always catching up on the latest gossip ... LUCKY.

Either way ... they REALLY DON'T LIKE to get summoned by that deadly call button.

Oh crap here she comes. She reaches up over bio and turns off the call button and snarls down at my kid.

"Doooo you NEED something?" Oh nasty!

"Umm, yes please. Can my sister (cute, huh?) please get some headphones? ... she was sleeping when ... "

"I will see what I can do" and huffs off.

Huh??? PLEASE TELL ME SHE DIDN'T JUST CUT OFF MY POLITE ANGEL AND SNARL AT HER ... DID SHE???? YES, she did ...

Big mistake.

It's on bitch ...

When the she devil comes back with Paraguay's headset, I lean over and say,

"Why thank you very much for taking time away from your rag mag to bring my kid these crappy disposable headphones that, by my calculations, cost you about 20 cents a piece and cost me about $80.00.

And further if, of course, I am not mistaken my purchase of 5 tickets that ran me about $3,000 (I used miles, but she doesn't know that ... ha ha) is paying for your salary.

And ... sorry to mention this, but in the beginning of this god awful trip in a tube ... in a seat my butt barely fits in ... I know that is not your fault, by the way (I'm not crazy, just mad), ... during that screechingly loud announcement that you make us all pay attention to, you said "If there is ANYTHING we can do to make your trip more enjoyable, please do NOT hesitate to ask."

Well, the headphones, a new improved helpful attitude and an apology to my daughter would greatly improve my enjoyment level...." NEVER EVER MESS WITH MY KID!!!!

"Her name is Lily. Lily (reaching across the aisle to the angel) this lovely lady has something she would like to say to you ... "

Got the apology and this ...

"Oh my God Maaammm what is the matter with you. You are so embarrassing ... reallyaaaaa." Eye roll and a huff.

The thanks I get.

Thankfully, my head bobbed and I woke up. PPheeww all a dream, I think!