Monday, April 26, 2010

Burning What???

I just spent a super fun weekend with my awesome brother Camp Chris in Ojai as a birthday gift. Ojai is a really cute, artsy remote-ish community not far from my abode. Camp Chris, has spent much time there both working (sign master of the universe) and playing (his BFF lives there) golfing and hanging.

My hub and I were treated to a lovely dinner, a spa treatment for me and a round of golf for deal ever....(My mom did great in the sibling department.)

We also attended a birthday party that we did NOT know started at 5:00 or that it was an Alice in Wonderland adult birthday party. We were late ...really late--8:30-- and WAY under dressed. OOpppss!! So by the time we got there the party was in full full over full swing.

Oh yeah to get there....We had to watch the odometer..cause the directions were.."go 5 miles out of town turn right, take the next first right and go 10.2 miles." This was critical, cause there was NOTHING on the road. OMG we were totally on Serial Killer Lane for 10.1 miles---bad directions. I was not comforted by Camp Chris's GF telling me that serial killers always look for these parties out in the middle of nowhere to come and kill everyone.

I buy this crap and DIDN'T like it!! So upon our late and under dressed arrival, I headed straight for the bar and some liquid comfort.

The conversation (with Alice, the Mad Hatter and others) was largely about some upcoming "Burning Man" thing. Huh??? I had NEVER heard of the Burning.... thing prior to this Serial Killer party.

OK you might already know this:
But it is a party--a WEEK long party in the middle of NOWHERE, where there is NOTHING..well dust and a huge wooden man that they BURN. No hotel rooms, no restaurants, no room service, no water, no BATHROOMS. You go there with everything you need cause if you forget something, you have to trade for it (or you are SOL) money allowed. It is in a.. IDK an abandoned "salt lick" or something where there are frequent dust storms.....And when they happened you have to wear goggles and a you don't get blinded or choke to death.

People, get naked, paint their bodies and walk around this dust bowl for a week. Sweat, paint, and dust all over my body???? WT Heck??? There is no part of this that I can even imagine as anything other than PURE HELL.

These people are not kids, these are adults (old my age). And they plan for it. They build cars that have couches and dance floors and hot tubs (That would get full of sweat, paint and dust. OMG gross!!!).

It was the major big topic of conversation at the Serial Killer party. A little into the evening, while chatting with all my new BF's, people were telling me (TELLING) that I wanted (WANTED) to go to Burning Dog and that I was gonna love (LOVE) it....


When I got home and told Bio about this horrible week of hell and all the gruesome details of things that take place there and that her uncle and his friends are attending this Burning Branch thing...she says..

"Burning MAN, maammm....duhhhh...OMG it is the best thing ever!!!
"Uncle Chris is sooooo cool. "

If I have to get sweaty and dirty for a week of Hell to be "cool" to Bio... I will REMAIN the dork forever...thank you very much!!!


  1. Dust bowl refugees on Ecstacy.

  2. Wait. I did not get any of this.....

    your long lost Midwestern relative

  3. OMG! This is so California! Serial killers, salt licks, nakedtivity, burning men, dust. Gal, we need a PowerPoint presentation on what just happened. With voice over.

  4. Please pack your family up and come back to Chicagoland.

  5. heard of this "burning man" event also and sounds soooooo not like my thing either!! have you ever gotten sand in your suit?? we all know how uncomfortable that is and can be for days. sand & nakedness never a winning combo!