Friday, August 30, 2013

This used to be...

 the happiest time of the year.  Kids back in school and order restored in the household.
But alas it doesn't feel the same as it has for the last million years.  Actually it has been morphing into other emotions over the past few years.
Bio is off to conquer year three of college and Adorable is tackling year three of high school.
He comes home everyday still and Bio comes home every few months and still considers this her home.  BUT the tides are a changing and I'm not sure I like it.
It's super fab to have grown and nearly grown children.  They offer such great things as people.  Our relationships have developed into beautiful things.  I really really like that.  You know things like reasonable conversations, actually empathy for me at times and true participation in the house and family.  And again BUT, I feel the end is so near and it makes we weepy.
What will happen when they are both gone?  I have work and friends and other interests...BUT what will happen when they don't come home everyday or every few months.  My life for so long has been largely defined by being a mother a nurturer and everything for my babes.  Gladly, always gladly (lie) have I been and done that, BUT what next?
I could try to sabotage Adorable's college path or somehow thwart Bio's future, BUT I can't do that their future happiness matters too much to me.
This change as all change in life will be uncomfortable and burn in me.  And I will have absolutely no choice but to go with it.  I know I will live through it but being older (slightly) one just really knows the truth about what it will take to get through it.  Like labor.  You know after the first time that you will make it out the other side but you also know HOW bad it hurts. 
I can't find anyway to make this feel better right now, so I am gonna go see my MOMMY!!!

ps... Maybe I just saw the light and maybe not!

1 comment:

  1. My advice is to go buy some back-to-school supplies for yourself, pour something refreshing and write down the game plan on your composition notebook. I don't guarantee this will work, but it has helped me. Glad to see you back online, Ms. B.