Saturday, August 7, 2010

Not for Me...

The market has really had an impact on my botox and our vacationing. Last summer we didn't plan a real vacation... We can enjoy the back yard, swim, have picnics.... YES, I did believe that crap I fed myself!! But as anyone else would have predicted mid-way through summer I was gonna kill someone and we needed to get outta Dodge.

My brother had this super cute, tiny, high tech RVette. (past tense; we have since totalled it, really..) We borrow it, load up and off we went. No reservations, but whatever... Yeah and wait it was a holiday weekend. Sure it'll be fun...

The first night we went to this place that could take us...we pulled in and "hooked up" at night. Even in the dark...and I mean BLACK dark, we could tell it was a dumpy scary place. There were only a few other campers and of course they were right next to us in a tent. (WHY would anyone do that on purpose?) They were definitely criminals on the lamb. Not to worry we have Pal ("baby love"), the killer dog.

When we see the light of day...holy crap!!! This place was just a dust bowl. Honestly there was nothing here but dirt and dust...NOTHING, except the escapees. I pretend to make the best of it while we "cook" breakfast on a fire pit. Evidently, this is part of the fun. huh??? I tried to enjoy it, but ewww, where's a Starbucks?

As soon as I can, without "ruining everything", {"Maaammm, why do you ALWAYS do this? Do what precious? You never let us have ANY FUN!!.......Oh so sorry sweeties, just trying to keep you alive...} I suggest that we get the hell outta there. Not a moment too soon, cause I could tell the ax murderers were ready to poison the dogs, kill us and steal my kids.....Un hook and blast. pphehewww. Drop the kids to play at the beach....while we search for a safe place to sleep for the night.

After calling every "camp site" within 1700 miles we learn that the holiday weekends are booked a year in advance... HUH?? We are outta luck. Crap, we are soo stupid. So we pull into this place that looks ok and find they have an "over-flow" space available. Better than the dust bowl with the serial killers, cool, we take it. Over flow doesn't have "hook ups", but evidently the people who are in the regular spots (the people that plan to come HERE...a year out) have outside power. So we got a huge extension cord and jacked some power from our neighbor dude. We get the kids and bring them back to show them their new home. All things being relative, they dig it...

Walking back and forth to the RV store (what else do you do here?), I saw everything from tents (why why why?) to these huge double wide 700 ft "rigs" (RV lingo). Hmmm, almost interesting Then eeewwww kids, half clothed running around so dirty...wait, this is the Ghetto. True our lives weren't currently in danger,
but these people share pottys..gross
They share showers..(not like the health club sharing, either)..gross
There is dirt everywhere, including under my finger nails...SUPER GROSS..I really hate it here!!

But after a few trips back and forth (these trips included some bomb soft serve ice cream..yum) it started to intrigue me. Some of these campers have their little area all cutesy and cozy. They have lights strung up, designer rugs, matching lawn furniture, fancy bbq's. Wow their areas were even clean. hhmmmm, interesting.

On about the fourth trip I started getting jealous of those big, cool, new, fancy rigs. I wanna be their friend...Yeah, I could see it, we could buy one of those mobile mansions and get all the stuff...and hang with these people. We could get out our calendars together and plan out the next 8 fun.

So that night after cooking dinner, outside cause we don't have a kitchen in our dump..yet...we settle in, the kids watch a move... (Our little dump is actually quite hi-tech) and I am planning out the color scheme of our new RIG (no browns, too typical..that is what all my new friends have..don't want to copy....but don't want to be too different either, they might not like me anymore). I am mentally re-arranging my new new lawn furniture...OMG it is gonna be fantastic....when


Our power goes out...crap!! Did the criminals from the dust bowl find us..did we break some RV law???? What?

Hub bravely goes outside to see what is up....and finds that neighbor dude un-hooked our jacked power to plug in his 60 inch flat screen..seriously... watch a sporting event......REALLY???? This is so messed up on every level that my head explodes... WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE HERE in these stupid metal tubes on wheels, letting their kids run around naked with dirt under their nails??? EEWWW!!! GO HOME!!

For sure...



  1. Dirt under the fingernails. Awesome.
    I am reminded when my sister-in-law took her kids RVing across the country. When we met up with them at a hotel, her son said, "This has been great. It's the first time I haven't had to wear flip flops in the shower since we left home a month ago."

  2. My idea of camping is a Hyatt in the woods!

  3. ahahaha i cannot imagine lily being okay with going on this trip, i would have had a fit (:
    xoxo j.v.