This has been on my mind for so long I need to get it out. I DON'T understand:
'Black Out Curtains' and 'White Noise'. I just don't.
Other things have been confusing me too. (I wonder if this is why I can't sleep at night??? Better call the Dr. and see if there is a mind clearing drug I can take at night...wait isn't that wine??)
Like, while looking at local job listings I found that the National Guard has loads of job opportunities...which in itself I find confusing. Not sure why, I just do. But what's even more curious(er) are the actual jobs....
"Fire Direction Specialist"...This what I see in my head. Me in a National Guard cutie outfit, out in the hills with glow sticks in my hands---(maybe big headphones on too)---directing the wild fire. You know telling it which way to go, cause ya know I am a Specialist.
and
"Human Intelligence Collector"...OK really? Too many confusing things here. This job might be harder than it looks. Think about it...Intelligence is hard enough to come by and once you do, you gotta Collect it. Would be a hard group to Collect from...they might out smart me..
They have many positions open in the Health Care industry...they need: Dentists, Family Doctors, OB/GYN's and Optometrists....I don't understand, why do they need their very own Dr's??? Can't they use ours?? I just decided, right now this very minute, that my being confused about this probably means I can't Collect Intelligence...
BUT:
Not to worry because Petco is hiring 'Pet Stylists'. I am sure I have enough Intelligence to create Canine Coifs. Holy crap, do I have to worry about someone from the 'Guard' Collecting my little remaining Intelligence?? Ohhhh I can feel myself losing sleep already. Maybe they only Collect it from other 'Guard"-ie people. I surely can not sleep until I find out.
IBM has a 'Solution Representative' position available. I can rep anything...for sure I can rep Solutions. Everyone likes Solutions, it'll be cake.
or
A "Sales Engineer". How exactly do you Engineer a Sale?
or
A 'Technical Solution Architect' ??? Whoa those three words together?? Never mind I can't!
They start the job postings, "Looking for a smarter career?". Funny, no I am not.
I saw a cute little position at a Seniors Center that looked great. I think it was called like Patient Relations Assistant...(See?? This is why I am confused.) It sounded great, cause I really dig senior citizens. I got to the end of the job description and as I was reaching for a pen to jot the number down I read "toileting" as one of the responsibilities...BREAKS!! I barely loved my own kids enough to "toilet" them. Sorry Seniors!
Ahhhh, I finally found it!!!
Housekeeper/Maid. I understand these words. (My Intelligence is safe.) Wait, though...where would I get a decent reference? Crap guess I keep looking..
Sorrry about the "Nope" post...I hit Publish by mistake.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Blow Out
SO.... Just as things felt like they might be on an upswing, the Hub blew out his other knee. We know this for certain because it is the OTHER knee. Yes, he blew out the left one playing soccer a year and a half ago....But he scored two goals last time. (Our insurance is so suckie that each of those goals cost us $2500.) Since he absolutely knows what it is at least we don't have to wonder and worry. That is the upside. whoo hoo
However, he is barely mobile, super slow and tentative until we surgerize him AGAIN. If he isn't careful, the knee goes completely out and he goes completely DOWN. This happened the other night and scared the crap out of the kids....
Now, I am a very loving nurturing woman. (AM TOO) I don't blame him or get upset about these things. They happen and I will take care of him. As you know I am a hell of a nurse. I feel really badly for him......BUT....
There are some complications. LIKE:
YESTERDAY:
Hub was in his office upstairs. Adorable up in his room and I was in the kitchen. You know cleaning or cooking or some other saintly task (hee hee) and I hear a buzzing. No big deal a fly got in. Soooo. It flies by me. It is NOT a fly it is a bee. I HATE BEES and I am kinda totally petrified of them..a little. So like any normal person, I scream something like "Oh my God get out of my house!" and I think I threw something that made a sorta loud crashing noise.
Oops... all hell kinda broke loose.
Adorable comes racing down and says "What what MOM is Dad ok?"
HUH???? Dad??? Really? NO it is ME!!! "There is a bee in the house and it needs to go."
I swear I get an eye roll, he storms out of the kitchen (mumbling something..) and he leaves me alone with the beast.
A few minutes (full minutes) the Hub comes stumbling out of his office. "What what are you ok?"
At least he asked about ME. "No there is a bee in the kitchen"
He hobbles down the stairs and into the kitchen.
WHAT???? This is serious. Don't judge me.
He looks for a cup...remember we have a strict 'no kill' policy here.
It took a while but he saved us both. The bee went free and I am alive.
BUT..
I could have died in the time it took him to come rescue me.
And I guess the Hub could have gotten hurt trying to save me from what probably sounded like a home invasion. Oh well..this and the aging PP Pal Dog (That is a whole 'nther Blog) will probably kill me anyway.
Today's Tip: ???Can you add Vodka to wine??? YES you can.
However, he is barely mobile, super slow and tentative until we surgerize him AGAIN. If he isn't careful, the knee goes completely out and he goes completely DOWN. This happened the other night and scared the crap out of the kids....
Now, I am a very loving nurturing woman. (AM TOO) I don't blame him or get upset about these things. They happen and I will take care of him. As you know I am a hell of a nurse. I feel really badly for him......BUT....
There are some complications. LIKE:
YESTERDAY:
Hub was in his office upstairs. Adorable up in his room and I was in the kitchen. You know cleaning or cooking or some other saintly task (hee hee) and I hear a buzzing. No big deal a fly got in. Soooo. It flies by me. It is NOT a fly it is a bee. I HATE BEES and I am kinda totally petrified of them..a little. So like any normal person, I scream something like "Oh my God get out of my house!" and I think I threw something that made a sorta loud crashing noise.
Oops... all hell kinda broke loose.
Adorable comes racing down and says "What what MOM is Dad ok?"
HUH???? Dad??? Really? NO it is ME!!! "There is a bee in the house and it needs to go."
I swear I get an eye roll, he storms out of the kitchen (mumbling something..) and he leaves me alone with the beast.
A few minutes (full minutes) the Hub comes stumbling out of his office. "What what are you ok?"
At least he asked about ME. "No there is a bee in the kitchen"
He hobbles down the stairs and into the kitchen.
WHAT???? This is serious. Don't judge me.
He looks for a cup...remember we have a strict 'no kill' policy here.
It took a while but he saved us both. The bee went free and I am alive.
BUT..
I could have died in the time it took him to come rescue me.
And I guess the Hub could have gotten hurt trying to save me from what probably sounded like a home invasion. Oh well..this and the aging PP Pal Dog (That is a whole 'nther Blog) will probably kill me anyway.
Today's Tip: ???Can you add Vodka to wine??? YES you can.
Friday, September 24, 2010
Slippery Slope
Once again I find myself in a state of such confusion that my brain hurts...
I was at Fresh and Easy, my new favorite grocery store, the other morning in my uber small town. This was just post workout so I was soaking wet and maybe a little less than my normal attractive self.
I was checking out and saw a friend coming into the store. I waited for her to come a little closer before I flagged her down. She turned around the corner and looked right at me. She started to look away. She did a double take..then a TRIPLE take. Honest to God can it be that bad???
The short answer to this is, yep...IT CAN!!! Crap!
SO naturally; because I guess you can't see my eyeball since my eyelids are so old and puffy that they can't do anything but hang there; we discuss who will be doing our eyelifts. She has the name of the BEST eyelift guy...blah blah...in Beverly Hills.
OMG, am I gonna go to Bev Hills and have my eyes lifted?
Well I guess since this seems to be a fairly common topic when I run into people I haven't seen in a while and my mom's favorite topic whenEVER she sees me...the short answer here is also, YEP...I AM!!! Holy Crap!
I am not sure who I am anymore.
When did all these weird things happen to me? When did I get so old that people I have known for ages don't recognize me? I admit the post workout look probably didn't help, but REALLY. When did I become a person that stands in the grocery store and discusses plastic surgeons in Beverly Hills. Dear God...I think I might be on the other side of the mountain of life...
I want a limo-like sled for this journey fully equipped with a TV, a library and champagne, loads of it.... I am gonna sit back and enjoy the ride. And no matter what the Hub says, my dogs will be allowed on my SLED furniture.
After the EYELIFT!!!
FYI: When the wayward lids affect your vision (like in my extreme case) I think insurance will pay for it. I just need to find a reason for the tummytuck....
I was at Fresh and Easy, my new favorite grocery store, the other morning in my uber small town. This was just post workout so I was soaking wet and maybe a little less than my normal attractive self.
I was checking out and saw a friend coming into the store. I waited for her to come a little closer before I flagged her down. She turned around the corner and looked right at me. She started to look away. She did a double take..then a TRIPLE take. Honest to God can it be that bad???
The short answer to this is, yep...IT CAN!!! Crap!
SO naturally; because I guess you can't see my eyeball since my eyelids are so old and puffy that they can't do anything but hang there; we discuss who will be doing our eyelifts. She has the name of the BEST eyelift guy...blah blah...in Beverly Hills.
OMG, am I gonna go to Bev Hills and have my eyes lifted?
Well I guess since this seems to be a fairly common topic when I run into people I haven't seen in a while and my mom's favorite topic whenEVER she sees me...the short answer here is also, YEP...I AM!!! Holy Crap!
I am not sure who I am anymore.
When did all these weird things happen to me? When did I get so old that people I have known for ages don't recognize me? I admit the post workout look probably didn't help, but REALLY. When did I become a person that stands in the grocery store and discusses plastic surgeons in Beverly Hills. Dear God...I think I might be on the other side of the mountain of life...
I want a limo-like sled for this journey fully equipped with a TV, a library and champagne, loads of it.... I am gonna sit back and enjoy the ride. And no matter what the Hub says, my dogs will be allowed on my SLED furniture.
After the EYELIFT!!!
FYI: When the wayward lids affect your vision (like in my extreme case) I think insurance will pay for it. I just need to find a reason for the tummytuck....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)