Ouchh!!

This has been on my mind for so long I need to get it out. I DON'T understand:
'Black Out Curtains' and 'White Noise'. I just don't.

Other things have been confusing me too. (I wonder if this is why I can't sleep at night??? Better call the Dr. and see if there is a mind clearing drug I can take at night...wait isn't that wine??)

Like, while looking at local job listings I found that the National Guard has loads of job opportunities...which in itself I find confusing. Not sure why, I just do. But what's even more curious(er) are the actual jobs....

"Fire Direction Specialist"...This what I see in my head. Me in a National Guard cutie outfit, out in the hills with glow sticks in my hands---(maybe big headphones on too)---directing the wild fire. You know telling it which way to go, cause ya know I am a Specialist.
and
"Human Intelligence Collector"...OK really? Too many confusing things here. This job might be harder than it looks. Think about it...Intelligence is hard enough to come by and once you do, you gotta Collect it. Would be a hard group to Collect from...they might out smart me..

They have many positions open in the Health Care industry...they need: Dentists, Family Doctors, OB/GYN's and Optometrists....I don't understand, why do they need their very own Dr's??? Can't they use ours?? I just decided, right now this very minute, that my being confused about this probably means I can't Collect Intelligence...

BUT:
Not to worry because Petco is hiring 'Pet Stylists'. I am sure I have enough Intelligence to create Canine Coifs. Holy crap, do I have to worry about someone from the 'Guard' Collecting my little remaining Intelligence?? Ohhhh I can feel myself losing sleep already. Maybe they only Collect it from other 'Guard"-ie people. I surely can not sleep until I find out.

IBM has a 'Solution Representative' position available. I can rep anything...for sure I can rep Solutions. Everyone likes Solutions, it'll be cake.
or
A "Sales Engineer". How exactly do you Engineer a Sale?
or
A 'Technical Solution Architect' ??? Whoa those three words together?? Never mind I can't!
They start the job postings, "Looking for a smarter career?". Funny, no I am not.

I saw a cute little position at a Seniors Center that looked great. I think it was called like Patient Relations Assistant...(See?? This is why I am confused.) It sounded great, cause I really dig senior citizens. I got to the end of the job description and as I was reaching for a pen to jot the number down I read "toileting" as one of the responsibilities...BREAKS!! I barely loved my own kids enough to "toilet" them. Sorry Seniors!

Ahhhh, I finally found it!!!

Housekeeper/Maid. I understand these words. (My Intelligence is safe.) Wait, though...where would I get a decent reference? Crap guess I keep looking..

Sorrry about the "Nope" post...I hit Publish by mistake.