From Dark Cloud to BLACK Friday

Oh God the day after Thanksgiving is known as Black Friday for a REASON!!!

I think it has had other definitions over the years...something to do with some war maybe, before it was the definition for the day after T-day when the entire retail market is on sale and everything opens in the middle of the night. Seriously, they are opening earlier and earlier and now stores are trying to be the first open. NUTS!! Next year they will probably open at......???? The day after Easter?

So as is typical here in mi casa; Gobble (Turkish son) is going off with the exchange student group; Adorable is gonna sleep like a new teenager and Bio....well crap, she decides that the sales are worth the craziness. She and her BFF were gonna leave at the crack, but duh..like 10:30 got outta here.


She can't just go to our local mall...NO she has to go the huge one farther away. Whatever, I am not there, I don't care. Hub and I are gonna hang out, maybe get a taco ($1.00 only) and ya know not sure..just laze about. Not Black Friday here.


At about 11:15 Bio calls me and she is WAY upset. Her voice is shaking and she is saying "mom" way too many times. OMG, now F---ing what? Breathe Blogopause..just breathe...


"What Honey, what happened, what's the matter?" I am gonna puke!!!
"..and then ...well Chloe was RIGHT there and I said I was holding it..and she said..."
"Whoa, Sweet Precious Darling daughter (hee hee) calm down and tell me what happened."
"Ok ok ok...we were driving in the parking lot when we ..."


It took way too long to get out in Bio-speak, so nutshell (like I ever nutshell anything):
They saw a parking spot. Bio jumped out and stood in the spot to hold it. Her BFF was just about there when this Mini Cooper starts entering the spot. Bio said "I am holding it and my friend is right behind you." The Mini had a foul mouth and yelled at Bio that it was not allowed..in a not nice way.

Bio held her ground LITERALLY and Mini drove into her...REALLY. It just tapped her but still. Bio backed up and Mini hit her again...REALLY..


HOLY CRAP!!!

"Oh my God are you ok are you HURT????" I am holding my breath waiting. She is calling me and she is talking, so..

"I'm ok, well my knees hurt a little but I am ok."


Oh NO, here comes the Mama Tiger. Can't stop it from happening, but it scares me.

"Dad and I are on our way. We will call you when we get close"

The hub says, "We can't just hang out in the parking lot til the girl (criminal) comes out."
"WANNA BET!!!!!

zoom zoom zoom kinda


WHO THE HELL hits a kid, right or anyone??? Maybe she shouldn't have been holding the spot, but AYKM???? Stupid Mini just messed with the wrong chick. Look out cause I am coming and I am really STEAMED!!


Get there, find the Mini, Bio comes out and the parade of Cops on Unique Modes of Transportation began.

First:
Two pretend cops come by on HORSEBACK wearing Santa hats...really (I found it kinda festive). Tell them the story and they radio for the real cop.

Next:
Real cop arrives on a SEGWAY ...so "mall cop" . Really, it had a cop lights on it and they were flashing. I had to squelch my giggle, cause this is serious stuff.


Next:
Mall cop is talking on a headset and I look up and he is talking to the pilot of the HELICOPTER that is circling above. REALLY!!
When we tell mall cop the situation, he says that there is really nothing we can do, but take her license plate number and file a report. Do we want to do that??? HELL YES we do.

BUT wait...

Criminal comes out with her MOM not the same person that was with her when she nearly killed my daughter.

SO now the plot thickens. Since we have the perp, we can file a charge against HER now.


Next:
I hear people talking on radios and I look around and five more cops arrived for the party on BICYCLES... Yeah pedal pedal spin bikes. But they have guns. SO we're gonna be safe.


In the meantime Bio is now shaking cause seeing the criminal scared her. At the first sight of her after Bio ID'ed (cop lingo) her, I wanted to jump her and beat the living hell outta her. But since I don't believe in violence, I couldn't do that. But the Hub could..No not to a girl. Bitch!!

Criminal at first looked at us and said "I am really sorry. I told her (MY KID) I was sorry."
REALLY??? Sorry is what you say when you intentionally hit them with your car?? Never knew the proper response when you try to kill someone. Thanks for the tip. But we don't actually engage in a discussion with the perp.


Not sure what was going on but a LOT of talking among the million cops. And of course they questioned Bio and her BFF. They also questioned the murderous loon. More talk talk talk.


Next:
Three cop CARS arrive on the scene with two officers per vehicle. Wow, over-kill. But I have to say seeing the normal mode of transportation for coppers was a little comforting.

So now we are up to...????

TWELVE police people...YES 12!!!

But wait...
They can't decide whether they can arrest her cause they are not sure they can prove INTENT....WHAT the hell?? She saw my kid and hit her TWICE.

But, did she INTEND to hit her??? Who fricken gives a crap? She DID!!!

OK these people, all 12 of them can't decide. SO,


Next:
The Captain arrives in an UN-MARKER muscle car with another under-cover dude. This is getting so juicy. But Bio is really shaken and she really just wants to shop. NO WAY. We need to see that justice prevails.


More talk talk talk....An hour later. They decide they can't prove intent and that it will be a "Traffic" issue. So....

They call the traffic cop. Now that the big decision has been made by the Captain and the traffic dude is on the way (why couldn't the cops at the scene take care of it??? don't know), the parade of cops leaves. Kinda scary now...Just us, the Perp and Mall Cop. He's 'packing' though so we are ok.


Wait wait wait...


Next:
Traffic cop arrives.....funny he doesn't look any different than all the other guys...whatever...
HOLD ON...he is flirting with the Perp. NO not ok. Arg...


OK so he decides that he can write a 'traffic report'....just a report. And after he talks with Mall Cop he decides they will also write a 'criminal report'. HUH? I wanted her hauled off in handcuffs. But the criminal report is "Assault with a Deadly Weapon" (ADW, for those in the know) which sounds so scary and that it is kinda cool.


SO after about 2 hours, we have one report and one on the way and we have EVERY ONE'S complete assurance that NOTHING will come of it....More like a guarantee.


Honest to God. I know Bio should not have held the spot or her ground OR gone up against even a MINI, but REALLY...NOTHING?????


Merry Fricken Christmas....OH wait....not PC... Happy Ficken Holidays!!!

Sayings....

So 'No Good Deed Goes Unpunished'. I hate this saying, it is so negative. And I never ever knew how that could be true...UNTIL:

THE MANGE!!


Yep the real honest to God "Mangy Dog" mange. It is real and normal, decent (most of the time) dog people's dogs can get it.
OK it is SOOOO true that I am not a great housekeeper and it is also true that we no longer have outside help with the cleaning...BUT MANGE?!?! Isn't that what junkyard dogs get?? Dear God..I am not a PIG.


So we puppy sat this cute, precious Golden baby named Koda at the end of the summer. His parents were going to Mexico (their Cabo house...not jealous) for a month and of course didn't want to take him. They didn't want to board him and their regular house/puppy sitter was unavailable.


Ok, Paraguay was leaving and I thought Koda could help us all transition.

First, puppies while cute as ever..are like BABIES, shit they ARE babies. They need special care. That was ok in the beginning cause I needed the distraction. But that was exactly when Adorable 13 tried to break his head....oh wait he did. ARG!!!! Don't go there...
(Not even sure how the puppy was cared for in my absence but Bio had it covered. HOLD on here, note to self: She can do things on her own. Next try laundry)


Koda came to us itchy itchy itchy. The mom and dad said "he is just always like that. Not to worry it is common in Golden's". Really?? I'd never heard this before. But ok, if you say so.

After Koda (A.K.), Gino Gigantic-or started itching. He is 105 pounds of big dog and when he itches the house shakes. It got so bad, we took him to the vet...THREE times before we got to the bottom of it. They did skin scrapings 3 times (while treating him for something else) and on the third scrape found what they thought were mange mite eggs....OMG...I am moving out!!!


This condition causes extreme itching, the hair falls out (cause the bastards bore down into the hair shaft) and the bald skin gets blackish and knobbly (word?) and they STINK. SO BAD. And you can bathe every second..which we didn't, and it does no good. That is just how it smells til it is gone.
Of course Old Man Pal got it too cause Gigantic-or is such a sharer (word?). So DOUBLE stink.

They needed a series of four shots a week apart and much more bathing with special shampoo.

They are on the mend now, but:


This good deed, cost me 7 vet visits (not an easy task), 10 shots, $20 shampoo, Steroids (for the wrong diagnosis) and a house that stunk (really really, to the point we wouldn't let anyone in it), way more cleaning and laundering than I am used to and a reputation that hopefully won't hit the dog park.


I am not sure when this massive black cloud will blow away, but it better hurry cause I am about outta sanity. hhmmm??? nah


BUT the moral of story is, Mom is always right. She's the one that warned me: "NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED" So don't ask me to do anything for you.

Unless... you will pay me in wine. Then, maybe...

Ouchh!!

This has been on my mind for so long I need to get it out. I DON'T understand:
'Black Out Curtains' and 'White Noise'. I just don't.

Other things have been confusing me too. (I wonder if this is why I can't sleep at night??? Better call the Dr. and see if there is a mind clearing drug I can take at night...wait isn't that wine??)

Like, while looking at local job listings I found that the National Guard has loads of job opportunities...which in itself I find confusing. Not sure why, I just do. But what's even more curious(er) are the actual jobs....

"Fire Direction Specialist"...This what I see in my head. Me in a National Guard cutie outfit, out in the hills with glow sticks in my hands---(maybe big headphones on too)---directing the wild fire. You know telling it which way to go, cause ya know I am a Specialist.
and
"Human Intelligence Collector"...OK really? Too many confusing things here. This job might be harder than it looks. Think about it...Intelligence is hard enough to come by and once you do, you gotta Collect it. Would be a hard group to Collect from...they might out smart me..

They have many positions open in the Health Care industry...they need: Dentists, Family Doctors, OB/GYN's and Optometrists....I don't understand, why do they need their very own Dr's??? Can't they use ours?? I just decided, right now this very minute, that my being confused about this probably means I can't Collect Intelligence...

BUT:
Not to worry because Petco is hiring 'Pet Stylists'. I am sure I have enough Intelligence to create Canine Coifs. Holy crap, do I have to worry about someone from the 'Guard' Collecting my little remaining Intelligence?? Ohhhh I can feel myself losing sleep already. Maybe they only Collect it from other 'Guard"-ie people. I surely can not sleep until I find out.

IBM has a 'Solution Representative' position available. I can rep anything...for sure I can rep Solutions. Everyone likes Solutions, it'll be cake.
or
A "Sales Engineer". How exactly do you Engineer a Sale?
or
A 'Technical Solution Architect' ??? Whoa those three words together?? Never mind I can't!
They start the job postings, "Looking for a smarter career?". Funny, no I am not.

I saw a cute little position at a Seniors Center that looked great. I think it was called like Patient Relations Assistant...(See?? This is why I am confused.) It sounded great, cause I really dig senior citizens. I got to the end of the job description and as I was reaching for a pen to jot the number down I read "toileting" as one of the responsibilities...BREAKS!! I barely loved my own kids enough to "toilet" them. Sorry Seniors!

Ahhhh, I finally found it!!!

Housekeeper/Maid. I understand these words. (My Intelligence is safe.) Wait, though...where would I get a decent reference? Crap guess I keep looking..

Sorrry about the "Nope" post...I hit Publish by mistake.