Summer of FUN --- Part ONE

I had a major birthday recently (40) and I got many fun outings. A lovely Country Club lunch, a few cocktails, and a few birthday dinners. Forty's not looking so bad.

I have also been with Camp Chris a lot lately. And that is super fun for me. There is something unmatchable about spending time with your sib who is only 14 months younger. It think it gets it's magic from growing up together, being so close in age and mostly really liking each other. I really really dig my sibs..again thank you Mom.

Camp Chris came up and took me out to dinner the Monday before my b'day. That was followed by Easter weekend and then he was in my hood for work early the following week and spent two days hangin with me. We had a rip roaring ball. Dinner and drinks at a new place where he did the sign and a some fun shopping. The next day, we decided that I should continue the celebration and have a birthday week. No, birthday month. Nahhh.... a summer of fun. Perfect. I have no intention of stopping the fun anytime before September. REALLY.

The day after started with some greasy but gluten free breakfast then we decided to go look at some vacant homes. I think he should buy property so that is what we did. The cool thing about CC is that no matter what we are doing, he is fully engaged. That is such a wonderful quality. It always feels like he wants to be there. He better want to be with me or I will beat him up.

So in between the viewing and in line with the birthday month, we decided to have a (again) not so healthy meal. The deli was yum. Then we decide to see another vacant home.

We get there and we look around. Only inside though cause the back doors (a million doors) were all locked and there were no keys for them. No biggie we saw the yard from the windows. Somewhere about the second or perhaps master bedroom my stomach starts to go whacko. Too much fun I guess.

We are nearly done, so again no biggie we will dash back to my house. As I am about to lock the front door CC says "Wait I am gonna go use the bathroom."

"Ok no biggie." I was relieved cause I was gonna go too.

He uses the first floor potty and by this point my tummy is gonna explode. I run upstairs and go into the hall bath. CRAP no toilet paper. Tummy is super angry. Run to the master bath. Phew there is paper. But the door does not provide enough privacy. Grab the roll and run to the hall bath. Shut and lock the door, put up the toilet seat and see yellow water. Then it hits me...

The water is OFF. Which means no flushing. CRAP CRAP CRAP....

Run downstairs and yell to CC through the door. He yells back..

"Oh S---!" yep

He tries to flush.. NOPE.

In the meantime, I am in pain and jumping around.

He came out and said the was gonna go see if he could find something to fix the situation. I am not very handy and I have no idea what he is thinking. I can only think about my tummy situation at this point.

CC heads off into the garage. In an effort to forget about my situation, I start looking around the house again. CC is taking way too long. So I open the door to the garage and he is not there. I call to him, no answer. Where did he go??

Too preoccupied to ponder.

Walk around the house some more. Then I get a text from CC...
"I am stuck in the garage..(smiley face)."
Ok, I go to let him in. Open the door, he is not there. Call to him again, no answer. What the Helga????
I am pretty sure he is in the backyard, but I can't get there. I look through the windows but I don't see him.
Then I hear him calling me. I don't know where it is coming from until he screams... "I AM IN THE GARAGE!"
I swear to God I go to the garage again and he is NOT there. SO I go back in. Hear him again. He says "the garage!!"
I go back, he is not there. I am not leaving this time. I stand in the open doorway and shout to him. He comes plowing through the exterior garage door. He is holding a gallon of something blue. Windshield wiper fluid...?? Again, not handy...Don't know..don't care.

He goes to the bathroom, closes the door, makes a racket, comes out and says, "Let's get outta here!"...
Yes please cause I am about to die.

We leave, I lock the door. I put the key back in the lockbox and am about to floor it to the car. I stop dead in my tracks. CC looks at me funny.

The lockbox is electronic and it shows the agents info that unlocks the door....
YEP, they are gonna know it is me. This house is listed by the two biggest agents in my area and they are not very nice. CRAP!!

I swear... I decided that the second my tummy was better I would call the agents. This is a customary courtesy. I am courteous ALWAYS!!
Ring ring. Blah blah..I am me and I showed your blah blah listing and "Yes the house is nice, but the toilet was used and not flushed. You should get the water back on and take care of that."
So nice of me.

What it is true???

Whatever...

We had an awesome time with the Sis Extraordinaire in beautiful FLA.

Boys did the fish fish and more fishing thing. Adorable could spend the rest of his eternity doing nothing else. The Hub, bless his heart, does it for the Adorable. Hub's blessed heart's not really in it.

Bio, Sis Ex, the Fredster (black lab) and I just hung hung hung out. Me, a little more then them. Thou, Fredster..well a little belly action there. (He can't read)

We had the best time and my skin issue is nearly gone. I think that Sis and Mom's diagnosis of de-stress and get sun and saltwater (thanks Mom) cured me. It is not a for sure though, cause I am also on Gluten free and a crap load of vitamins....well not that many, but weird ones. Like Milk Thistle and Corcumin..since you asked.

Anyway, don't really care what did it. I am feeling so much less like a Leper that my life is really improving. Also, I think Spring time helps. Maybe I have that SAD thing...Seasonal Affect Disorder. (hate the word disorder and is it affect/effect??)

Whatever..... I will get to the bottom of it some day. I am JUST happy to know that it is not the M-WORD. So pheewww on those who have had the unbelievable audacity to suggest such perverseness to me.

Coming home from the Eastern Time zone is always good, cause you have no trouble waking up early. And I like early, when no one is up. Peaceful.

Since we had thirteen thousand delays we got home two days before our bags. Whatever. No biggie. I got to go to work wearing something just a notch above pj's and have a valid excuse. It was comfy. But the next day, I had a real appointment that required professional attire so thankfully the bags were here.....Wait, I don't think I even wore anything from the suitcase. Whatever.

With the body clock not yet reset, I was up super early. Made lunches did the kid thing and decided I could get work-ready before driving them, go directly to my office and get some work done pre-appointment. I was loving this...

Get the kids off and am driving to work...Icky traffic in my Mayberry town at this time of day...but Whatever....I am early and I am de-stressed....ahhhh relax. Stop and Go traffic...Whatever...relax.. I still will get an hour of work in before my meeting...ahhh.

Then evidently there was some accident or some other stupid hold up and it took about 15 minutes to get to the next light. No problem still will have 45 minutes. Another 10 to get to the next light. No problem, I can at least go through my mail when I get in.

At this stop light I look down at my feet and see that I am wearing two different shoes!!!! Yea I really am that stupid. I was trying to decide which pair I liked better and since the fam couldn't decide unanimously I decided to walk around and think about it.

I forgot I was thinking about it I guess..... Race home, get the missing shoes..both, cause I am still undecided and now that I am flustered this is NO time to be making critical decisions like that. Race race race...ARG!!! Ya know those kids better learn how to make decisions for me before ....I don't even know. The only thing I DO know is that this was their fault!!!!

Whatever........ I think the skin condition is starting to come back...

The Answer...

After seriously researching and investigating, I have concluded that...WAIT wait; I have to tell the truth- 30 minutes on Google. What?
I have concluded that Bio and I are Gluten Intolerant. I am sure that I have finally discovered what is causing all my symptoms. The pregnant-like belly, the skin issues that are gonna make me raw and bald (why do we need hair anyway? we should all be bald...just saying), the aches and pains in my joints, etc. It is not age, weight or even the M-word. It's NOT. I am so sure that this is the answer, that I started us on a Gluten free diet.
Bio's got her various symptoms, but enough about her already.
I am waiting until I need to do the Big grocery shop to supply the kitchen with all we will need to be Gluten free. In the meantime I am using all my acquired knowledge and using all the existing food in the house to hold us over. Not like we are gonna starve, right?
SO this morning, while trying to figure out what she can eat for breakfast (she needs a nutritious breakie cause she has a big test today), I decide I will make us scrambled eggs. GOOD.
As my mornings normally go, I only have two eggs left. Oh well, I decide I will add a little more milk and this will be sufficient for the two of us.
Get the eggs, milk and the bowl. Go to the sink to dump the cracked egg shells. Crack the first egg open...RIGHT into the sink..NOT the bowl. CRAP, one egg down. But this stops me in my tracks because I am such a moron that I must laugh at myself until I pee.
Bio who (damn it) witnesses this, says "Did you just crack that into the drain? Crazy lady!"
Shut your trap offspring, before I crack the next one over your head of wet hair!!! You wanna see crazy?
Whatevs, there is enough for her breakfast. Which I lovingly go about finishing. Test day after all!
While laboring over the hot stove, I so politely ask Bio to feed the dogs.
"I can't I am wearing socks."
NOT kidding. Is she really unable to feed the dogs because there are socks on her feet???
Dear God, what the hell is happening here? I have to wonder if this is related to Gluten somehow. GOOGLE me....
Since I am now questioning my sanity, I don't push this. I will feed them myself after I drop the kids off at school...Which is BTW about two blocks away. Yeah I see it too...looking crazy now.
Go about the rest of the morning crap. Lunches, teeth, blah blah. Then Bio asks me if I filled out..I don't know something really important for school.
I don't answer her. She asks again, this time adding "aaaaa, crazy lady???"
Still don't answer...She whines at me again.
I turn to her, smile my I love you smile and say to the precious love, "I can't answer you now because I am wearing socks."
Bite me......