Driving me to Drink

When I show property to a client, I am completely unavailable to the family and they know this. I always make all the necessary announcements and arrangements for my DAY away.

"Ok guys, I will be unavailable today from 1-4. If you need anything, call your dad, ok?"
"Yep.."

I make a point to tell the hub, cause otherwise he wouldn't answer his phone when one of us calls. So this has to happen....via text. That's ok, as long as I get the promise that he will take any calls from the kids during the designated times...no prob.

SO yesterday, I had a super long day driving all over the world with clients that I had never met...(they are actually about the nicest people ever, but I didn't know that then). At about hour 3.5....stressed about the next location and I have to admit a little off track....no GPS for this gal, my phone rings....Bio. Hmmm. Must be an emergency... Better answer. Excuse myself, pull over and answer.

"Hi Honey."
"Where are youaaa?"
"Out with clients honey."
"But WHERE are you
"I think I am in Thousand Oaks." A little off track as I said.
"OMG...Arg!! I have a driving lesson in 10 minutes and my permit is in your car!!!!"
"oh"
"What am I supposed to doaaaaa?"
"Call Dad."
"What good would that do? The permit is in your caraaaa? "

Trying really hard not to rip her a new one, 'cause my new clients might call Child Services while looking for a new realtor.

"Well maybe he could figure something out."
"That won't work and I can't cancel. They are gonna be here in like two minutesaaa!!!"

So what???? Please darling, stop believing I care about this.

"Well I am busy right now, so you can try to figure it our with dad or not."
"ARE you kidding me???" (I hear this alot lately and for the record..NO I AM NOT!!)

I really really really want to let her twist in the wind. Not sure why, just do. But only I will pay for it if I do so against my better judgement and offer more help. Call me, Mrs. Ass.

"OR you can find out if I can drop it off somewhere (this is risky, of course...cause I am way off track and I am with people that I don't really know.) or at their location. I think I am close to there."

"BUT I DON'T HAVE THE NUMBER!!!"

Really, you did at the dinner table the other night when you made this appointment...but ok...

"Ok well maybe you can find it and let me know."
"GODaaaa ARG!!!"

Hangs up on me...Fine, maybe now I can get back to work.

ring ring

"Yes?"
"Ok, they said you can bring it there....aaaaaaa!!" hhmm Found the number, did ya??
"Great, get the address and text it to me with the cross street."
"Maamm, I DON'T KNOW ITaaa" That is why I said get it.

Yep my turn..hang up.

I get the text....Weave my way around (while looking like an idiot) to the driving school, get there. I hop out of my car and tell my clients to feel absolutely free to steal it while I'm gone. Race in with the permit....this is so stupid.

Get in there is a guy in front of me ...crap... The woman (not young) behind the counter is chatting on the phone. ...As I recall from my last visit, she chats forever. The dude in front of me sensed my tension and told me to go ahead. Thanks nice dude.

I am waving the permit in her face...and she is Blah blah blahing away...

"Yeah I know..Well enjoy that and your birthday too...(she looks up) oh yeah I think she is standing in front of me right now." --- Oh, so you DO see me.

Wait...what????

"Ok good luck Honey, bye."

She looks up and starts to talk....."Yes I am Lily's mom. Here is her permit. Thanks." Arg and her birthday is in three months.

After this really long day I come home to dinner ready on the table...thanks hub.
At the table, I replay the phone calls and the back and forth and Bio says..

"That is NOT WHAT I said..except maybe that last part." Ha gotcha.."maybe"
"What was I supposed to doaaa?"
"Call dad like I asked"
"What could he do the permit was in your car?"
"Well maybe he could have figured out a place to meet me and get your permit."--that you LEFT in my car..
"HUH????"
"Right? You guys could have figured that out?"
They look at each other....cuties...

Simultaneously....

"No probably not..."

HONESTLY...drink please.

This Little Light of Mine

You know when you set out to do something that will take forever and is very repetitive?
Like when for a fund raiser I volunteered to make one million gem studded candles to sell at a boutique......(Really, not sure why I did that...hhmmm?)

You start:
You get everything you need, all your supplies..
You might even spend a good amount of time planning out your supplies..
You organize them all on the work table in the order you're gonna use them..
You think about how it will best get done..
You think about how to make them turn out just right..

You start..
You grab the candle and start adding gems... You stand back and evaluate.
You turn the candle and add more... You stand back, evaluate.
You hold up the candle and add more... You stand back, evaluate.
And at every step you think about and often make changes to the gem application.
There are even points when you remove and replace gems.
You put it down and add more...You stand back and evaluate
You turn it upside down and add more... You stand back, evaluate.

Then you are done. You do the full evaluation. Perfect!
But it did take forever and you have 999,999 to go...

So then you start candle 2 and this time you evaluate ways to make the process go smoother.
Then candle 3 and this time you evaluate ways to make it go faster..
Then while looking at the pile left to go you evaluate ways to make it more bearable and efficient while keeping them beautiful ..

And it is for a while....

But then at some point you realize that you're not having any fun...
Then you attack the huge stack with a new attitude and make it ENJOYABLE and laugh!!

The you RE-evaluate the entire process and you decide:
These candles are full of beautiful gems and if they are not perfectly symmetrical and if the process takes a little longer and it has bumps along the way...WHO CARES!!!
They are gems and they were lovingly placed by me...
But if I am not having fun, it is not worth it...

To me this is what raising kids is like.
My candles are beautiful, full of gems that will shine on.....whether I enjoy the process or not!!!
I wanna laugh and laugh really hard.
I hope I didn't figure this out too late and I hope I can remember this everyday.

Maybe this is what the whole life journey is about....simply; beauty, love and laughter!!

Sorry, the sap just flowed outta me this morning..... hee hee...

Burning What???

I just spent a super fun weekend with my awesome brother Camp Chris in Ojai as a birthday gift. Ojai is a really cute, artsy remote-ish community not far from my abode. Camp Chris, has spent much time there both working (sign master of the universe) and playing (his BFF lives there) golfing and hanging.

My hub and I were treated to a lovely dinner, a spa treatment for me and a round of golf for him....best deal ever....(My mom did great in the sibling department.)

We also attended a birthday party that we did NOT know started at 5:00 or that it was an Alice in Wonderland adult birthday party. We were late ...really late--8:30-- and WAY under dressed. OOpppss!! So by the time we got there the party was in full full over full swing.

WHOA...
Oh yeah to get there....We had to watch the odometer..cause the directions were.."go 5 miles out of town turn right, take the next first right and go 10.2 miles." This was critical, cause there was NOTHING on the road. OMG we were totally on Serial Killer Lane for 10.1 miles---bad directions. I was not comforted by Camp Chris's GF telling me that serial killers always look for these parties out in the middle of nowhere to come and kill everyone.

I buy this crap and DIDN'T like it!! So upon our late and under dressed arrival, I headed straight for the bar and some liquid comfort.

The conversation (with Alice, the Mad Hatter and others) was largely about some upcoming "Burning Man" thing. Huh??? I had NEVER heard of the Burning.... thing prior to this Serial Killer party.

OK you might already know this:
But it is a party--a WEEK long party in the middle of NOWHERE, where there is NOTHING..well dust and a huge wooden man that they BURN. No hotel rooms, no restaurants, no room service, no water, no BATHROOMS. You go there with everything you need cause if you forget something, you have to trade for it (or you are SOL) ...no money allowed. It is in a.. IDK an abandoned "salt lick" or something where there are frequent dust storms.....And when they happened you have to wear goggles and a mask...so you don't get blinded or choke to death.
FUN!!!! SUPER TONS!!!

People, get naked, paint their bodies and walk around this dust bowl for a week. Sweat, paint, and dust all over my body???? WT Heck??? There is no part of this that I can even imagine as anything other than PURE HELL.

These people are not kids, these are adults (old adults..like my age). And they plan for it. They build cars that have couches and dance floors and hot tubs (That would get full of sweat, paint and dust. OMG gross!!!).

It was the major big topic of conversation at the Serial Killer party. A little into the evening, while chatting with all my new BF's, people were telling me (TELLING) that I wanted (WANTED) to go to Burning Dog and that I was gonna love (LOVE) it....

Read my lips.."NO SALT LICK..DIRT UNDER MY FINGER NAILS, NAKED DUSTY ANYTHING FOR THIS OLD MOM EVER!!!"

When I got home and told Bio about this horrible week of hell and all the gruesome details of things that take place there and that her uncle and his friends are attending this Burning Branch thing...she says..

"Burning MAN, maammm....duhhhh...OMG it is the best thing ever!!!
Huh???
"Uncle Chris is sooooo cool. "

If I have to get sweaty and dirty for a week of Hell to be "cool" to Bio... I will REMAIN the dork forever...thank you very much!!!