'How To'

Being a Mom is the toughest job I have ever had. I have had a lot of jobs. I have worked since I was 16, so you know like 20 years or so.....Annnnyway, I have had part time nothing jobs to big corporate positions. And now I am in Real Estate Sales...enuf said there.

But Motherhood, man o man...it has some of the crappiest (literally) work ever, the least impact on the bank account (can't say I don't get paid, cause I do...just not in money), and the longest hours. Well actually in this job you never get breaks.

It is also the most important job I will ever have. What I don't get though, is this job doesn't come with instructions or training. Every other job I have ever had you get an employees manual, training and and often a trial period...cause even if your resume said you were right for the job..it may turn out that you're NOT. Becoming a mom, NONE of that. You're a lifer no matter how well you do or how qualified you are.

Sure there are books, like Dr. Spock (which I spent about 30 minutes looking in for 'potty training'...cursing the so called baby expert until the Hub told me normal people call it 'TOILET training'....see I suck) and "What to Expect...at like very age". But these 'manuals' were not specific to me, to my kids or ANY of the situations I experienced.

It would be like ONLY READING a book on how to Be a Good Teacher and then... using ONLY that information... being thrown into a classroom to teach an 'Advanced Placement Psychology of the Teenage Brain' class. Then going to second period and teaching 'Quantum Physics'.... Honestly!!

I wish each kid came with a How To book, completely specific to them. Outlining the job of raising each one, step by step. Like when you buy furniture you need to assemble. It comes with instructions.... oh and pictures. Yeah I would need pictures. I would probably only really looked at the pictures.....and actually that IKEA table, I didn't even do that. That one last piece that remained when I was done assembling..that I couldn't figure out where it was supposed to go...it was the Allen Wrench. Yeah it was really hard getting those screws in with a Phillips screw driver..they were all stripped. I know these things now thanks to the Hub.

Well now that I really think about it.....never mind. Mr. IKEA could have walked through the table assembly step by step and I would have done it my way anyway....Yeah forget it, I will continue to wing it........

May the force be with me and my poor offspring.

Saw Babies on Mother's day...super cute!!

No Take Backs...

My mom just asked me what I was gonna do when Paraguay went home........... to Paraguay..

WHAT??? I have to give her back???

This was not thought through. How did I not plan for this? I think everything through...way through...Ask the hub.

Crap, does Bio know this?
She will be totally crushed!!
----Who will she stay up all night chatting with..even on school nights?
----Who's clothes will she steal?
----Who's gonna do her Spanish homework? Don't look at me No Habla Espanol..
THIS IS HUGE!!!

Does Adorable 13 know this?
He will be devastated!!
----Who will watch Bob Esponja endlessly with him?
----Who will laugh at his jokes like she does?
----Who will run around the house with him like it is on fire..for no reason other than it is fun?
THIS IS OUTRAGEOUS!!!

Does the hub know this?
He will be so sad.
----Who will ....??? YEAH whatever
He will be very sad. He does love her like his own.
THIS IS PREPOSTEROUS!!!

And what will I do???
I can't stand this thought...
I have :
----taken her into my home.
----taken her into my family.
----taken her to school (so scared for her..freaked all day til she came home).
----taken her to the doctor.
----taken care of her while sick.
----taken her on vacation.

ALL GLADLY and happily.
But mostly:

I have taken her into MY HEART!!! And that is a tough nut to crack..AND now someone is gonna take her away from ME????

NOPE!!! NOT HAPPENING!!!

Little White Lines

When I took my mom to the airport and watched her go I cried. The truth is that nowadays everything makes me cry ...or laugh..no in between lately and oh yeah everything scares me. (My family is so lucky) I think it is possible that I am being taken over by aliens,.....How else can these bizarre emotions be explained??? Mystery..

Anyway, I don't ofter drive to the airport and I know it has been a fairly long time since I was in Drivers Ed...

(Not to worry though 'cause I usually am fortunate enough to have bio with me to tell me how to drive, and explain things to me since she knows everythingaaaa. "Mom you are speeding. Mom you are following too closely for the speed at which you are travelling. Mom the light is green GOaaa." She IS in Drivers Ed now, duhhhh.. Pheww thank God!)

Oh Crap is that what I sound like when the hub is driving?? Note to self: Check that cause it is so annoying.

but... don't those dotted white lines define the lanes? And aren't you supposed to stay WITHIN them? Really it is like an obstacle course every time you get behind the wheel...

People are putting on make up, reading, people are texting, talking on the phones... Oh and BTW.. holding the phone in your hand with speaker on up close to your mouth but not up against your ear does NOT qualify as "Hands Free"...seriously. Just put it to your ear..you'll look slightly less stupid!!! People are driving with their knees, they drive while eating and they drive with those "accessory" dogs on their shoulders or on their laps with those little toothpick paws on the steering wheel!!!! ... Really how is that NOT illegal????

I get pulled over and get ticketed for everything. How do these criminals get away with this crap??? I don't get it.

This crap doesn't make me laugh or cry and the next person that tries to side swipe we while driving with their knee so the can eat and hold their phone near their mouth engaged in some extremely important conversation while their rat dog plays 'driving'..... should be scared of ME...

Oh yeah and I have some free floating anger sometimes...